Look, I’m not going to pretend I didn’t know exactly what I was doing. Here’s the full, humiliating breakdown.

5. The Tragic Backstory He Won’t Talk About
Mandatory. If your general doesn’t have at least one war crime he’s quietly processing alone at 3am, is he even a general.

4. Staring Broodily Into The Middle Distance
An Olympic sport in this genre. Soren could medal.

3. Saying Something Devastating, Then Immediately Leaving The Room
The hit-and-run of emotional intimacy. Works every time. I have no plans to stop.

2. Referring To The Heroine By Her Full Name Like It’s A Threat
“Emberlyn.” Three syllables. Somehow more intimidating than an actual sword.

1. Not Realizing He’s In Love Until It’s Extremely Obvious To Everyone Else In The Room
The gold standard. The founding trope. I would die for this trope, mostly because I refuse to write a general with functioning self-awareness. It wouldn’t be realistic.

Coming soon: Ranking Every Chaotic Best Friend Trope, starring a woman who once started a war with a napkin.